Rip's Ramble
Life In The Eyes Of...
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
So here we are...
New Years Eve, 2003. A time for reflection? To cast minds back on the year gone by?
I've had my share of ups and downs like all people, thankfully more ups :) As pensive a person as I think I am, I don't tend to dwell on the past too much, prefering to think about the present and take each day as it comes and becomes what was the future.
I did go through a bit of a low spell in the month leading up to Christmas, I made a wish to myself and it actually came true. I pray now that the happiness that has replaced the sadness keeps going and grows.
As I sit here typing while my boy sleeps snugly in his bed, and the big hand ticks it's way up to the top, I'll raise my glass to all my friends near and far and say "Happy New Year" Today is our future, let it bring us all the good that we deserve and when times are down know that there are others who think about us and care for us.
I thank you all who have opened this page to read my ramblings over the past year and a bit. I'll still be reading and comenting on other Blogs and trying to find the hours in the day to put myself about ;)
On reflection, there are few things that I would change about the past year if I was to ever discover a time machine. I'm grateful for my life and all that it has brought me and I hope that I do justice to the gift that I have been honoured with.
As the New Year beckons, the curtain is falling on this Blog. Goodnight to y'all, my love and best wishes for peace and and much happiness in the future :)
*End*
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Not Enough Hours In The Day, Nor Days In The Week:
One of the good things about Christmas is having a few days off. Once the panicing (or not :Þ) is over there is occasionally the time to actually do things for yourself, things that you often can not seem to find the time for at other times. Have you ever promised to stay in touch only to later realise that days or weeks have passed and "you've been busy"? This is one of my many and biggest faults, I'm always saying "Let's have that drink soon", "I'll phone you soon"... you get the drift.
Sometimes "Soon" means later, and I've already written about how I don't like the word "later".
So I like the fact that I have a few days without work to mess around the house, have the time to keep on top of the tidying up and yes, even pop out to catch up with friends.
Friday, December 26, 2003
The Gift Of Life (Part 2)
I drove into town at noon on Christmas Eve with half a dozen people to buy for and parked up at one end of the main shopping street. Meandering between the shops taking in the atmosphere was plesent, bumping into a few friends for quick words (including Ariel and Bozz) nicely broke up the afternoon. I saw a few more in the crowds too far away to call out to who still received best wishes under my breath. One person that I did stop and speak to, and I'm glad I did, was the boyfriend of my former next door neighbour.
On a visit to the swimming pool a few months back Junior and I bumped into our former neighbour and after about 2 minutes of plesantries I realised that there was something different about her. She was 7 and a half months pregnant. It was a couple of months later that I saw her son playing outside with some of his nearby friends and I asked if he had a little brother or sister yet. He said yes, a baby girl, but then with a slight vagueness, or uncertainty of how to continue, went on to say that all wasn't quite right and they were still in hospital.
It was another few weeks later that Junior went for the insertion of grommets and across the open area from the ward was a side room and sitting there was my former neighbour, laying back on her raised lap was her new daughter with pipes and wires running off to a machine by their sides. We greeted as I walked into the room and was told about the problems that this child was going through and how they hadn't been home as complications became apparent very soon in the baby's life. For some reason, the acids from her stomach weren't sitting as they should and she was suffering with a permanent form of heartburn. Not one like we adults get now and again that causes discomfort, hers was causing severe and acute pain and was deemed life threatening. They were due to fly across to Alder Hey Hospital the next day in preperation for an operation. The machines that monitored her condition reported that she had been suffering many tens of attacks in an hour and they were causing sleeping and breathing problems.
While I was in the room, the baby appeared fairly settled, her silence only broken by the bleeps of a machine that was working for her benefit. One aspect of life that I in awe of, is that considering the number of aspects involved in conception, development and the eventual birth healthy babies should really be in the minority, but they are not. The miracle of creation and birth ensures that they are in the majority. When there is an exception, you pray that whatever problems that exist are quickly discovered, diagnosed and dealt with successfully.
When Junior arrived in the world, he was born jaundiced. A lot of babies develop mild Jaundice within five days of birth as their bodies and organs become used to working for themselves independant of their mother's bodies. Often it clears by itself after a day or two once feeding patterns etc are established. Because he was born Jaundiced, Junior required what is commonly known as phototherapy (or Bright Light Therapy), where they are laid under a bright light that stimulated the cells just under the skin to start breaking down the cells to help the liver. At the same time, there were occasions where he showed no interest in being breastfed. The feeding would have helped the jaundice clear, luckily, he did have a liking for bottled milk, although botttled didn't have his mother's antibodies etc.
All we wanted to do was to hold and cuddle our baby, all the time. Due to his need to be under the light and his reluctance to feed naturally, close lingering cuddles were at a premium. I wonder to this day how a new born baby who up until now has had a reasuring heartbeat and the warmth of the womb reacts to being layed in a cot for hours at a time...
His treatment lasted 3 days compared to the usual one or two days, then there were further blood tests by his Health Visitor when he was eventually allowed home. At the time, there were few worries fron us, his parents. We knew that it was more of a minor hiccup and despite the original assurance that he would soon be out of the light, yet still there on day 3, we knew it would soon be over and we'd soon be looking forward to going home and getting on with our new life.
Standing in the hospital listening to my former neighbour, I already knew that we had had a pretty easy time with Junior, and I was amazed by her grasp of reality of her situation and her calm as she stroked her helpless baby's cheek. She was scared for her baby, yet maintained an air of taking each day as it came while hoping that all would be ok soon.
That was more or less the last I heard about them until Christmas Eve. There I was meandering and there walking towards me was the baby's father. Our eyes met as we came closer and for a moment I wondered how to word my greeting and enquiry after the child. Thankfully, his eyes lit up as I asked. The treatment had been sucessful. There is only so much that can be said in the middle of a busy street, but I came away with a slight glow knowing that mother and baby were home, doing well and they could all now look forward to Christmas and life together as a family.
I wish them all continued happiness for the future.
Some people have commented about how well Junior's mother and I remain adult like in our approach to raising him despite living seperate lives. When it was obvious that things weren't going as smoothly as they should for a couple we had exchanges of words as many couples do, one thing however that was never in question, was that we would NEVER allow our own differences come in the way of the way that Junior would be brought up. He will always come first. His emotional and physical development is the most important thing in both our lives. We have never sought to organise access rights or other obstacles that some parents insist on putting in the way. We both love him and would both happily be permanent parents. This has meant that he always knows that we love him, he doesn't have to wait for a specific day every week to one parent or the other, we both have our own lives, yet maintain a loving family. It would tear me apart inside if I didn't have the ammount of cantact with him and I know that it would do the same to his mum. That combined with Junior's need to have 2 loving parents above all else will ensure that despite seperated parents, he doesn't ever have to worry about how much he means to us.
Please don't get me wrong on access etc. there are times when a parent requires official knowledge that they will keep their contact. More important to me is that a child is allowed to love both parents. I hate the intent of any parent to run down the other to the child or to take more interest in the ex's current life than in the child's day. It's a complicated subject, relationships and I sure as heck cannot condone or judge. I can only see the child as the primary importence.
Footnote:
There are times when something happens that drives home the thought about how precious life is.
Seeing my friend in the street triggered off the first part of this post. I believe that I rarely switch off my "daddy" mode as it is pretty much the way that I have chosen to live my life. Even when times are going well, I try to make sure that nothing I do now will be depremental in the future days, weeks and even years. Despite my attempts to be constantly aware, I still have "moments of realisation"
My assertion of my personal beliefs about raising Junior in the second part was actually triggered some months ago, but didn't make it onto the Blog at the time, so I thought now was as good a time as any to throw it in.
The event? Walking past a childcare centre and hearing a child cry. A father was walking past as the mother was leading the child to the door. I have no idea if they were a current or former couple, what I am aware of is that the mother shouting "See what f**king happens when you are near? I don't know why you don't just f**k off and leave us alone". The child was trying to pull away from mum and shouting "Daddy" between the screams. The dad was walking as he grunted something back at her. She disappeared with the child through the door, he walked off around the corner.
Make of that scene what you will. All I could think was what sort of life they were showing and giving that child, what were they teaching him about responsibility and family love...
I don't ever want my child to experience that. Our children didn't ask to be born, we adults (in most instances) make that choice for them. We then have to show and take responsibility for our actions for as long as we walk on this earth. Life is a miracle, it should never be taken for granted.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
The Gift of Life (Part 1)
Christmas... Rushing round the shops, panicing about the bank balance, carrier bags digging into your palms, feeling faint as you move from hot shop to cold street to hot shop, crowds pushing and shoving, endless queues, worrying that the gifts will be appriciated, wondering if you'll through the next 48 hours with your sanity intact, no wonder some say it is one of the most stressful days of the year.
STOP!! Take 5 minutes to take a look around you. What are we doing it for? I refuse to allow myself to caught up in the hype, the commercialism all the bolt on extras that line pockets, that make somebody else smile from my misery. I'm not a practicing Christian (although I was brought up in a church attending enviroment) and whether you or I believe that 2000 years ago a child was born in humble surroundings, we still give gifts to others on the day that is universally recognised on the aniversary of His birth.
Even if you deride the story as a fairy tale, most fairy tales are stories that offer information to learn from.
When the child was born, he wasn't wrapped up in silk or satin, he wasn't surrounded by luxury items and waited on by his families servants. His father was a carpenter, a manuel labourer. His first visitors came from nearby fields and once the 3 "wise" men had rerouted from their erronous assumption that he born in the nearby palace, I wonder what they made of his surroundings when they presented their gifts.
In the 21st Centuary we are told by others that the way to show love for others is to go out and lavish expensive gifts on each other. Not just the advertisers, but those who chose to spread guilt to others about the "better" items that they will be delivering. Doesn't make Christmas sound like a celebration of life does it?
As far as I am concerned, every day is Christmas Day. I try and share my love for life with those around me. I try and offer myself as a gift, one that my friends don't need to say thankyou for, similar to the gift that I take from them everytime we meet or simply think about eachother.
On December the 25th, Junior will be unwrapping plenty of presents, each one that has cost money, in time they will be faded, broken, discarded... but underlying those gifts will be my love for him, something that will be there the day, the week and for years afterwards.
Love is eternal, it is free, it is underappriciated. Take 5 minutes from all the running around, the short tempers, the panicing about the turkey and try and put a price on the love that you have for your friends and your family and they for you.
Merry Christmas to you all with my love for now and always.
Monday, November 24, 2003
And now... the end is near...
I'm not one for goodbyes. I'm not even a fan of see you later. When parting, I always try to use the phrase "see you soon" or "speak to you soon". I always think that "soon" sounds more positive than "later" even though the word later is in no way negative, just less positive.
So why the title? Because as you are well aware, this page hasn't had much to offer those coming here to check up on my whereabouts and howabouts (if that isn't a real word, it should be) and soon it will draw to a close.
My first Blog was on the evening of Sunday 25th August 2002, so I have only recently completed my first year. I was starting a new job the next day and in a way, I had the idea that my life was entering a new phase.
Of course in a short period of 15 months many things change and just as many things are much as they were before.
I'm guessing that there will be a couple more updates over the next month, just don't ask me when. One thing that I am sure of though, Rip's Ramble will cease to be updated once 2003 has drawn to a close.
I'll be adding a kind of Rip's Ramble to the articles section of my website soon, so there will still be occasionally things to read relating directly to myself and Junior. I'm not sure yet, what form it will take, but it will won't be a copy of this page. I'll give details (if I work them out) before the end of the year.
I guess I should hot foot it to bed now, so all that is left to say for tonight is, see you soon :)
Monday, October 20, 2003
Yawwwwwn
I had a lovely bath at 11pm and was all curled up clean, snug and warm by quarter to 12. I laid there thinking of nothing in particular, and laid there, and laid there... By 4am I was hit with the thought that I really needed to fall asleep. I guess I did fall asleep eventually, not sure when, but the next thing I knew, it was 9:10am and I had 5 minutes to dress and drive a mile and a half to the stop where I catch my bus into work. It was a nice walk in this morning...
Ouch... Whoops...
DIY lesson #1: The saw is your friend. It's hundreds of sharp teeth glide through wood effortlessly. When cutting with a saw, ensure the wood is secure and all body parts are a safe distance from the teeth.
Anywayy..... Once I had laid the loose bits of skin back into something resembling my left thumb and wrapped it with a bit of tissue and tape, I was able to carry on boxing in some pipework. I should be ready to start building the frame for the track to sit on this week :)
Words of Wisdom
Some children just sit there and whine "I caaan't do it"(said in a whiney voice) and they should try, shouldn't they? by Junior aged 4 (a boy who himself occasionally requires a little verbal encouragement).
Fire!!!!
We have a water shortage on the Isle of Man. Clean drinking water, that is, because living on an Island, there's obviously loads of water around us in the form of sea water... Typical then that this is a good time for a gorse fire down south. Stavros has posted some ground level photos on his website and brought it to public notice on Manx.Net Forums. And luckily a passing satalite also took a photo which you can see here.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Pardon??
A word that should hopefully be used less now... Junior had his first visit to hospital as a patient yesterday for the insertion of grommets (excluding his birth and the earlier hearing test). All went well and in less than 20 minutes of waking up from the general anesthetic he was playing happily with lego on his bed. He's had the day off school today (by advice) and returns tomorrow. When asked if he could tell there was a difference, he said yes. Even whispering his name from behind received a responce, something that he didn't do up before yesterday.
Monday, October 13, 2003
Hello again :) The attic is taking a little longer than planned. All the upstairs lights are fed from the attic for obvious reasons. Often the sockets are fed from below, but not in my house. Nearly every wire was in the way and needed relocating, as well as the new wires for the bathroom lights and the shower (to be installed later). Glad to say that the floor is now complete and I can turn my attention to the sides and ceiling which will maintain access to the loft areas behind. Junior is going to have to concede 3 foot of the room thus giving him 9ft x 9ft, although I have devised a devious way to reclaim a couple of extra feet at the far end so the layout will be slighty T shaped. I needed to do this as two of the trains will require a minimum of 60" of platform.
Other news: I yielded to my urges and bought a Digital Camera Junior has sussed out how it works already and takes a pretty darn good photo. His subjects are not always the first thing I would photograph, but he knows to keep still and make sure the cat, his blackboard, the back of my head etc. are in the centre of the view finder. I hate having my photo taken (receding hairline, big ears...) but I must admit that one of the few photos of me that I like was taken by Junior.
School: Big building, full of kids... you know the kind of place. Junior loves it, he just needs to learn that when the teacher reads a story, each page shouldn't involve a 15 minute discussion as they do at home. I am aware that he occasionally gets bored easily and requires to focus more. Last week he relearnt the letter "e" a year or so after he first learnt it at home. No doubt, given time, he'll have regressed enough to fit in with the cirriculum.
Some things he has learnt... "so what?", "I didn't do it", and how to pull a sulky face and cross his arms. Would you beleive me if I said that at nearly 5 years old, I've never seen him do the "sulky action" until the past couple of weeks?
Friday, September 19, 2003
Waterbabes
Junior and I go swimming each Sunday, I may have mentioned it in passing on previous occasions. Last Saturday he was with Mummy instead of me as they had fun things planned and it meant I was free to cut and shift the pile of floorboards mentioned in the other post. So instead of a morning swim, we went for the 12:30 session. We eventually left the pool at 3:50 :o
Home for a bite to eat, and he asked if we could go to Onchan Park, so back out in the car and another 90 minutes passed until we climbed back in the car to head home content with the day's playing.
And yes, we both needed a bath after the visit to the park...
No Title
I've hardly touched the PC at home over the past couple of weeks. When Junior is with me, he of course takes priority. When he is at Mummy's I've had 101 things to keep me busy, and sadly away from the keyboard.
Current project is the Attic. I said months ago that Junior has a Train Set/Model Railway, which continues to grow. Tracks, engines, carridges, wagons... The long term plan was to floor the attic, add power and make it suitable and safe as a room for the permanent setting up of the track. The floor boards were delivered last Saturday and most are cut to size and pushed through the access hatch. They would have been screwed down by now but for the need to replace lighting cable for the bedrooms and bathroom below. The wires crossed the joists, so they have had to be rerouted around the edges.
The bathroom and bedrooms are to have new light fittings. While the bedrooms are not a problem at this moment, the new floor goes down directly over the bathroom, so I had to mad dash to B&Q, buy the downlighters and cable and install them. I also want to add an electric shower at some point soon, so the cabling had to be run for that too, looped off ready for connection at a later date.
The loft access opening will also be covered once the floor goes down, so to make sure I don't paint myself into a corner (so to speak) there was the small matter of creating a new access through the ceiling and a cupboard wall in Junior's room where the stairs will be fixed. Tonight I permanently fix the boards and pray I haven't forgotten anything that will require much screaming and pulling of hair tomorrow.
Once the room is done, Junior and I will be creating a track layout 12 foot by 9 foot with a point to step over the track for him to sit in the centre able to reach all areas. There's a lot of building, modeling, tunneling, bridge building, landscaping, painting and tree planting for that boy in the coming weeks. I will be also adding a dimmer switch in the lighting circuit so that he can act out "night scenes".
One thing I do need to add before he is allowed up there is emergency lighting. If there is ever a loss of power when he (or I) are in the attic, it means that we still have the means to find our way out and back down to the house without taking the 2:15 Express train or a hillside with us.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Golf
Don't have a lot of time for the game. On telly it's look at player, swing, look at sky, bounce, look at grass...etc etc. BUT!!!! when it is MiniGolf and it is a Shockwave Game... Well, you have a go... I bet you play it more than once.
Play MiniGolf
Yawn
Not much to report today. Junior has settled into school life well, although it is just mornings this week and then 4 afternoons next week before his first "full" day on Friday. I guess that will be a bit of a test as he copes with the longer day broken by his first school dinner.
I received an email which said that my TV appearance will consist of a 4 minute 40 second segment of a 30 minute programme. The antisipated transmission date is near the end of November and it should have a teatime slot (not good at mealtimes, me thinks), although this will be confirmed closer to the date.
Still no comments, should be back by the 8th or the 9th at the last report. Oh, and I turned 36 on Tuesday, but I'll get over it. I remember when 20 appeared old, how life has flown.
Monday, September 01, 2003
Comments
I checked the HTML, I even dug out the original page template and copied and pasted the relevant lines just in case I had accidentally altered anything without realising. I was just edging towards a state of bewilderment when I was hit by a moment of inspiration... Check the Host site, and there in 12 point Times New Roman is the apology for the server fault, normal service hopefully to be resumed on the 2nd or 3rd.
Stupid, stupid me.
First Day At School
No, silly, not mine.... Junior's :) As of 8:45am on Tuesday September 2nd, my boy will be a fully fledged member of the Isle of Man Education System.
We went for a quick look around the outside of the school this evening on the way home from his childminder and he was peering in through the windows eyeing up all the things that he wants to play with in the morning. For nearly 2 years we have passed the school with him saying "I'm going to that school when I am bigger" and tomorrow is that day. He knows of course, and he is excited by the prospect, but now in a running round shouting about it, more of a "that's the next step in my growing up" kind of way. Odd child, I don't know where he gets it from *shrugs*
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Making new friends: As part of my global takeover bid for all things parent and family related, I organised a meet up for website readers and their children. The parents came and sat down, the children vanished and were seen running around, climbing and having a good play while I was able to introduce myself to a few new faces, gain some feedback about the site and discuss some of my hopes for the future. I came away feeling that the day had gone pretty well and look forward to bringing more people together with another meet up at a location and at a date to be decided.
Not coming to a TV screen near you...
My house is spotless. Absolutely spotless. Even the PC, monitor, scanner and printer are fingerprint and smudge free. Border TV wanted to film me infront of a computer with screen shots of my ManxParents website. So the train set which has been residing on top of my desks was dismantled and packed away, the PC was brought back downstairs, scrubbed and put together in it's "usual" place. Darn shame then that for the purposes of Filming for ITV's "IT's For Life" they needed me to be sat infront of a TFT screen (due to screen flicker).
Once the interviews were over at Manxland and the play and eat session drew to an end I was whisked away to the presenters office to "surf" on one of their computers. Oh well, at least I can see my carpet now.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Mark opens his eyes slowly and wonders why his ribs are sore and there's an eirie smell of fish?
Week off work, Sun shone, played out...
...LOTS!!
:)
Sunday, July 27, 2003
Cryptic Confession
I have opinions, just like most people and am used to voicing them if I think I have a point to make or I disagree with something that I have heard or read. I did read a comment the other day, and it annoyed me immensly, yet when I clicked the "reply" button, I bottled it and closed the page. That bugged me, maybe more than the "offending" comment :(
Flipping Heck and a Grrrr
Great idea of mine to start up a website and advertise days out for the family. Unless someone emails me info, I rely on trawling through a couple of printed "What's On" guides and some online versions too. So how was I to know when I copied across info about a railway fun day from the Department of Tourisms official guide that I'd be advising readers to go to Port Erin in the south when the event actually took place in Douglas 15 miles away? Grrrrrrrr. Junior and I had a lovely drive to P.E. from a mile away from Douglas Station to find an empty platform then back again.
To be honest the "attractions" when we did find them were a major let down. A face painter, a bouncey castle, a carosel, and a couple of jugglers were doing their best to entertain the visitors. There were free rides in an open truck behind a diesel engine to a point half a mile down the track and the kids were allowed on a steam engine footplate and sound the whistle, and ermmmm, that was it.
Poor show Isle of Man Railways and Dept of Tourism.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Blimey, is that the time?
What a few days? the gentleman to whom I am assistant has a pretty bad summer cold that has kept him off work. He came in on Wednesday, but was so rough, he went again before lunchtime. Guess which week turns out to be the busiest I have known since I started working there? Yep. my phone hasn't stopped ringing, I've lost count of how much paper I have fed into the fax machine, I've had work related emails (and a few non work) coming out of my ears. As much as I have been looking forward to coming home at the end of the working day, I could also have happily worked longer to try and clear some of the backlog that is building up. I haven't ruled out working late tomorrow night or even doing a couple of hours on Saturday morning. Get well soon boss :)
